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Declaration

God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference

In JESUS name,
AMEN

Friday, September 18, 2009


came back from class chalet.
super shag.
it wasnt exactly fun, cause there was very little ppl
but the 1st night was good enough to keep my mind off stuff.
overall, i wld say..
if only we had more people.it'll be fun.
yup thats all.

michelle and ginette
knew i was quite affected abt the breakup
even though i tried to hide it.
and i thought it was okay cause i managed to change my mindset
fast enough for me to concentrate on training..
but come chalet..i guess i kinda let it out abit
so on the 2nd day,
they locked me up in the room and forced me to tell them stuff
and cry it loud.
as in they did it cause they care
and i appreciate it =)
thanks girls =)
at least i know i have friends who bothers to know whats happening in my life
at first..i keep saying i dont wana cry and like im not going to cry
but they keep saying
den i just brust out crying
like for that few seconds
den..the rest was just tearing.
its hard for me to keep crying for even 10mins
i duno how to..plus i think its a waste of time.
im sad, very sad i know
but even if i cry, he wont come back


i duno i guess i was really broken
that i finished almost 3/4 of a pack in 2days.
i thought it wouldnt be very harsh
since i had the feeling it was coming
and i was sort of mentally prepared..
but in the end its the same.
and somehow..everything is like poking fun at me.

after training, when i board the train.
i enter a cabin almost filled with couples...
next when i on my MP3,
my 1st song was Goodbye to you by Michelle branch
2nd song was Losing you by Busted
3rd song was My happy ending my Avril
totally WTF.it was on shuffle mode..sigh..

i guess the next time when im very in love with a guy
and i dream that he'll walked away from me..
i had better prepared for the worse.
cause it isnt the 1st time it happen..sigh.
why cant i dream of him being with me =(

oh wells.
pain pain pain.
i just dont get it.
when im not prepared for a r/s, the guy seems to be so ready
but when im ready, the guy isnt ready.
just wtf is going on!?!
i hate this game
and having to play this game 3times in a row is fucking painful


all i know is..
im fucking scared and broken now
im like losing every thing this period
like slowly one by one..what i hold dear me..just abandon me
and somehow im ready to abandon myself..soon

once again,every night its tears

1:56 PM