❤ Its more than just words.

Declaration

God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference

In JESUS name,
AMEN

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i seriously need my locker ASAP!
roarrs hate carrying so many stuff around! =(

i duno why but these few days ive been quite emotional..
maybe its the stress or wdv..
esp when i dont feel confident in my studies and in frisbee
its double the dosage.
argh.

went for frisbee
darn boring for me but prolly exciting for the newbies
( like those that totally nv play before)
this year's intake..
got more guys n girls =/
good for girls like me, cause got more eye candies! X)
i did see 1 or 2..so looks like i wont hv to eyecandy dragon boaters anymore! X)
but yea.sadly quite few girls...

danny came down today.
its been a long time since i saw him.
and i'd say guys who are NOT GENTLEMEN ahem..
please go learn how to be a gentleman.
danny such a gentleman! =)
awesome to have such guy friends..
not like some guys.tsktsk.
irritating luh.
i really dislike guys who behave like some cock arse
but sadly im surrounded by them most of the time
zzz..but its not like i got a choice also =(
forced to be nice n not be a bitch to such jerks.
but seriously, if the jerks weren't how they are related to me now..
i'd so be a bitch n screw their sorry arses..
esp when im damn cranky these few days.
they'll hate me luh for sure,
but like i fucking care abt them.i care only abt gentlemans.
and not some ungentlemans who behaves like shit.
and here i thought that my sec school class guys were not gentlemanly at all..
looks like i've met the ultimate ungentlemanly jerks.

sorry,
but im quite particular about such stuff.
if you cant handle it.
screw off.its not like i care. =)
cause its me n this is something i CANNOT and will NEVER change.
like come on.
like any girl would like to hv jerks as their friends, dont even talk abt BF.
confirm, 0% of accepting.
oh wells.

i'm tired,
pissted(well not exactly just...uhhhh~),
stressed.

once again,every night its tears

12:28 AM

Monday, April 27, 2009

somebody help me with life science math
and phychem please! =(
im dyingggg! =(

bloody stressed.

once again,every night its tears

9:04 PM

SO BORED!
slacking in school now cause i got 4hour break..
still got another 45min before my next lesson starts.
my time table really sucks man. =( so many long breaks!

had my microA prac today..
and i thought it was quite fun!
growth of bacteria =/
like we got to use the petri dish with agar and the broth in the test-tube.
den transfer the bacteria and all those.
so exciting! =)
but its quite difficult to memorize the steps and understand why they do this n that.

i mean if you alrdy have a agar on petri dish, whats the purpose of using a agar slant?
since the petri dish is much bigger and easier to observe the bacteria =/
and like whats the difference between broth and agar culture?
will it affect the bacteria growth?like how it grow n such..

argh so many questions going thru my head
and i duno where to get the answers from!
cause some of the websites are not reliable and they dont have the answers to my qns. =/
and the lecturers are not say..very nice =(
roars.

think im gona take a nap in the library now =)

once again,every night its tears

4:15 PM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

it feels so good to have a weekend..
waking up early everyday is tiring =/
woke up at 12pm,
start work at 1pm till 6pm+
i didnt know how to do and what i was doing..
which explains the super long hours i spent today
for just one lab report and abit of proposal..

im just glad that i dont need to complete the proposal
till later, at wk5 for presentation and wk6 for submission =)

gona meet kaiyun tml to do some shopping! =)
but before that i got to transfer money for my DK jersey
so expensive! =(
heart pain sia.oh wells.

taking a break from frisbee..
till i learn how to jump n land properly
before i injure myself again
and till i get used to the poly's complicated system. =/
if not i can say byebye to my grades..

once again,every night its tears

11:32 PM

Thursday, April 23, 2009

school as normal..
zzz...damn boring.
i only like the math lesson it kinda reminds me of sec school
i really really prefer class room style of teaching compared to lectures
like wtf luh in the lectures i'll be slping/eating sweets/day-dreaming
at least tutorials i can pay attention.. =(
fruccckkk
and i realised im the only dumb idiot in my class..
like WOW! for once, i think i can be ranked the last in my class.
double fruckkk!
went to help out for frisbee for the clubcrawl
asking ppl to join frisbee
@$^#^Q#%& i think we shld get pretty girls to dress up n give out the stuff n to promote frisbee
kns the guys are like frucking jerks
see pretty girls only den act like they are interested
whereas ugly girls like me, they dont give a fruck.
arghh okay wdv the world is unfair.okay.

after clubcrawl, had training
did drills..its like some how relaxed..
when it wasnt suppose to be cause theres like competition soon
everyone was laughing n throwing/catching like shit.
i felt better during the 1st part of the drill
but come 2nd part i duno wtf went wrong
den come scrimmage.its fruck.

demoralised, no shit.

after dinner, hitched a ride back.
asked my parents abt the KL opens to triple check with them tat i can go..
den guess what.
they dont allow me to go anymore.
FRUCK!
im bloody pissted luh
1st they tell me okay can go..den 1month before school start i asked them
they said no..den i ask them again 1week later, they said okay can..
den now..."NO!!because school start alrdy, tat time i allowed you to go because you got holiday,
den now school start, you better study!"
KNN!i freaking told them its like after 1month i start school n all that.
sigh.wdv luh i hate them for always giving my false hope

frucking tired and pissted.
i dont even feel like going to school tml.
them thought of dressing up and making my way down
makes my blood boil.
why the fruck did i get such results
that i HAVE to go poly and HAVE to be in nyp.

got school tml at 8am.
i so dont feel gd abt it at all.
everything is frucked up today.

once again,every night its tears

12:40 AM

Sunday, April 19, 2009

poly starts tml.
im not excited or wdv.
maybe its because i've been going to NYP so often tat its my "2nd home" now.
and i think i can hang ard with some of my new classmates..
as in we can clique okay.
sigh i really frucking hate my timetable.
(oh typo.haha frucking.new word!haha apparently there is no such word in the dictionary.lol.welcome to ralene's world!)
its like what, 4hour break tml?
wtf am i gona do tml?!? =(
9am-1pm lessons
1pm-5pm break
5pm-7.30pm lessons AGAIN
wah lao eh.
i duno wtf the person who arranged the timetable was thinking.
sigh.
i've got to frucking wake up at 6.30 everyday..
untill my hair grows longer.LOL so i wont hv to spend time styling it for so long.

anws.went for pickup today at wcp
i didnt really play
didnt hv the mood.
came back home
did some excerise since i didnt really run today
like the 5sets tat ben told the dk ppl to do
(those tat missed training)
den had superdog.
parents tabao back =)
got super pissted when..
i couldnt find my mp3 wire,
my mp3 isnt working,
my internet is having some problems,
(didnt have any connection for about an hour.fruck.)
my tamagotchi got no batt
and the thought of the 4hour break came to me..

i swear,
technology frucking hates me.

im frucking tired now.

im sorry
for the vulgarites..
well its not exactly, but my intention was the word fuck.
so yea.just close both eyes.haha
to HG!
as demure i may seem, im not ahaha.proven.
im use vulgarities when im pissted
and im a bitch when im very very pissted/irritated

i just hope
i'll wake up in a gd mood tml
and i wont see some arsehole tat pisstes me off =)

once again,every night its tears

10:38 PM

Saturday, April 18, 2009

HG showed me this.
its hilarious.
skip to 1.50min++ after you've seen the lecturer.
and yes i know its 2am in the morning ahah

once again,every night its tears

2:03 AM

Friday, April 17, 2009

i think im not taking care of myself very well..
pampering myself with all the fatty food
not good man.
ice-cream, chocolates,cakes and more ice-creams..
it makes me happy
but guilty at the same time =/

i think i shld start controlling myself
before i really turn into a pig
den again..
its not like any guys will fall for me..
but oh wells!
no more
ice-cream/chocolates/cakes/swt drinks
for the next 6months!
yea right, who am i kidding?!?haha
ok luh but i'll try my best to abstain from eating them.haha

sentosa tml baby! =)

once again,every night its tears

11:28 PM

ytd's outing was ....
okay luh.
not say very fun, or very boring
just like tat.

watched handsome suit
its a boring movie.
disappointing =( cause i read the GV comments n ratings
its suppose to be not bad.
oh wells.

dinner was..
something i didnt expect
something new to me.haha but not exactly the kind of dinner
i wld eat when im in a big grp

den slowly ppl left
den desmond,binhong,sp,andre and myself went to play pool
zzz, binhong n sp left when his friend came
left to go drinking.lol
had a game with andre n desmond
den we went back.

roars, i was dead tired
but i couldnt sleep at all.
head to bed at 3am plus
woke up at 6am plus
duno do what den i fell aslp
sucks.

i got to get new:
-school bag
(i really liked the one i saw at AMK hub, but i duno if i shld buy. 45bucks++)
-new laptop bag
-new clothes
new what else?lol..i duno.

once again,every night its tears

2:18 PM

Thursday, April 16, 2009

you know, they say you'll make good friends when you're in secondary school
(esp when you're in sec 4)
and friends that will never leave you
even if you graduate.

i'm telling you,
its not true.

went for DK training
i duno wtf was wrong with my left calf(is it even the correct word?i duno.lol)
it hurts, and i had to spam counterpain cream
even so, i could still feel the restriction
its like when i walk or running my muscle is so tight
that it hurts =(
i did try to stretch it,since i woke up this afternoon
but it didnt work.
oh wells.
weiliang says it maybe because of my ankles
that i'm subconsciously running in a way to prevent it to hurt
that im running awkwardly, thus injuring my calf.
troublesome.sigh.

looking at my new timetable.
i dont even know if i can go for frisbee trainings on tue n wed anymore
looking at the time i reach home w/o eating
and the time i get to sleep..
im not even sure if i get enough rest
its like worse den Olevel days.
sleeping at 1.30am+ and waking up at 6.30am.
wtf man.oh wells..
i have a 4-5hour break on monday =/
and im thinking, whether i shld use this time to train up my physical.
like do some running and all those.
cause todays PT after training..
made me realised that my mental strength dropped alot
and made me wonder how the freak did i managed to
sprint 100m and 200m over n over again
from morning till afternoon,
stopping only when my friends wana go for lunch...
that was when i was still in secondary school.
i'm weak, physically and mentally.
and it fking sucks.

class outing tml.
yupp, my new class is having a class outing.
my idea! =) but i didnt organise it.
haha.
its good to see tat my class is somewhat bonded
and i think i can get used to it! =)

once again,every night its tears

1:19 AM

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

went for nyp training ytd.
we did physical..
like basics of a track training
so difficult can =(
last time i can do those basic kind
but now its like super difficult for me..
dont know why =/
maybe my fitness level dropped.

thinking of whether if should go for training today
got slight fever from last night.

heres something i read from my email.
kinda funny.haha

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1)Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5)Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6)That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying F---YOU!

(9)Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

once again,every night its tears

1:29 PM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

i cant believe im blogging 3times a day
in less den afew hours.

currently alot is going thru my head
esp after blog hopping..

i miss my sec school life.
i miss my ex-classmates.
i miss my cca.
i miss the stage.
i miss the lessons.
i miss the loving.
i miss my life before 2009 started.
i miss him.

but having to miss so many stuff, its not like they'll come back to me
somehow i cant wait for my class to start.
im in the mood to learn something new and to excel in my studies again.
i wana get back my confidence in my studies and passion for what i love.
it sucks living a life w/o any confidence...
it really does.

once again,every night its tears

11:54 PM

kittens are 100% adorable. =)

once again,every night its tears

11:23 PM

its been a week since i actually touch frisbee
and guess what!
im not suffering from any withdraw symptom or wdv
well not as bad as last time
when i was crazy about frisbee
looks like stopping frisbee will be easier den i thought.
oh wells.

im still sick.
no fever
but i still got cough and throat infection.
zzz..i tried to abstain from fried stuff n ice-cream
but failed to do so.. =(
i kinda forgot about it and ate a banana split ytd during dinner.
and having to eat bread for dinner today..
isnt very nice =/

if theres something i should do..
i should start to lose weight.
this 1week routine of eating,sleeping and doing nth
made me put on weight!

i really do hope,
i can start running or something by tues

once again,every night its tears

10:29 PM

Saturday, April 11, 2009

happy birthday dad.

didnt go for dk training today.
still feel kinda weak and sicky
sigh.
went for family dinner at my uncle's country club
their lousy spaghetti
made me go for 2nd dinner cause its horrible
so i had BBQ salmon and salad after giving up on the spaghetti =/

came back home.
and my maid told me mickey died at 7pm+ =(
suck suck sucks!
to add on the sad news, peep is missing!
i duno where he went =( shouldnt hv left him in the pond =(
come back peep and mickey! =(
i miss both of you bad bad badly

btw mickey is a baby squirrel who is 2weeks old
my cat missy saved it from the rainy cold weather a few days back
we tried to keep it warm n fed it milk..
everything was alright until this afternoon
when it suddenly become so weak..
sigh.

oh wells.
its not fated i guess.

i hope i'll be completely okay
by monday
so i can go for training on tuesday
and for my ankle to be okay...
duno why i keep feeling a sharp pain in both of my ankles..

once again,every night its tears

10:12 PM

Friday, April 10, 2009

woah, its been awhile since i blogged.
guess the flu is making me feel very very lazy
been eating and sleeping
and despite doing so, im still as sick as before
only slightly better..
im still down with a slight fever,cold,cough and throat infection
sigh.

thanks to this stupid flu
i missed my chance for applying for my jap class!
=( cause the medication made me fell asleep super early
and registration was 12am
when i woke up in the morning, they only got german left =(
wth man.sigh.
anws im gona take business mandarin for my elective..
and here i am thinking i can dont study chinese anymore after secondary
zzzz..my sad sad life =(
fuck. =x

im thinking whether i shld go KL with my parents
on the 1st of may
if i go, i'll miss teen games and DK training
i duno luh.
it sucks when my whole family is going and i cant go
cause of something called frisbee n friends
it isnt the 1st time that such stuff happened.
i alrdy told ivan n weisong
tat i wont be able to go for teen games cause i'll be in KL
and yea, as usual....
sigh, i dont know what to do
on one hand i'll be letting them down and they got to find another girl
on the other, i wana spend time with my family
why does it always have to happen.

i dont know what to think abt my life anymore.
its like so dead and boring.
and with my new class and course..
it sooo adds on to my boring life -.-

hope i'll be better tml..
this sicky feeling is really pissting me off.

once again,every night its tears

8:43 PM

Monday, April 06, 2009

wasnt allowed to go school today
cause i still had fever =/
oh wells.
went to see doc in the afternoon
was quite happy tat i was able to eat my soya bean ice-cream
after waiting for sooo long
but the ice-cream dropped off my cone after 15mins =(
roarrs! =( wasted!! hmphhhh

hope i'll be okay by tml.

to guys out there who like big boobs.
you'll so totally change your opinion
warning!
you may feel super disgusted after watching the video

see what did i say?haha

once again,every night its tears

7:59 PM

Saturday, April 04, 2009

cope this from someone's fb profile
i think its so cool!
i can listen to it over n over again
and never be bored with it

once again,every night its tears

5:30 PM

woke up super early
had down to wcp so tat theres space for DK
zzz..was super tired.
somemore i didnt really slp last night
i duno why either..
couldnt sleep at all.
i really couldnt bring myself to run or be alert
roars.pissting

they always say the next day will be a better one..
how not true!
everyday is a worse day for me when i play frisbee
its only good when i dont play frisbee =/
it sucks to feel this way.

byebye KL opens.
i dont think i'll be in the team
and i dont even think im worth to be in the team
what can i provide for the team?
nothing =(
sigh.

for now i think i should try to break this bloody wall of mine
and i shld just focus on
- throwing
- aggressiveness
- hard D
for now.
sigh..

bloody injury of mine

they say its all in the mind.
its so not true when you wana do something
and you're restricted physically.

once again,every night its tears

4:44 PM

Friday, April 03, 2009

it doesnt feel the same anymore.

once again,every night its tears

12:37 PM

Thursday, April 02, 2009

been thinking abt what he shouted at me ytd
abt me being inconsistent and all
its true that im inconsistent
some days im good, some days im lousy
and yea, i did pay the price for being inconsistent..
i've been trying to keep it consistent
but i dont even see it improving

when i was walking back home,
i thought abt my past..
like everything i tried to do..since young
from dance to piano to cooking to baking to singing to badminton to visual arts..etc
somehow, nth works out for me.
everything started well at first
like " oh, i have talent in this.yay.i think i shld stay on and be a pro in this! " and all that
but as time goes by..
i get to the stage where by i neither good nor bad at it
im always..always stuck at that same place, not moving up
( have you heard this? "when you duno whether you shld step forward or not. by standing there you are alrdy moving backwards cause time dont wait. " its not word for word but something along that line.you know.. )

i was afraid that it might be the same for frisbee
that its just another thing
that i cannot excel.that no matter how hard i try..
i'll always be stagnant.

sigh, this is so irritating.
im not self praising here or wdv....
it seems like i can do anything
but i cant really really do anything WELL.
im always inbetween..
if you know what i mean =(

once again,every night its tears

11:45 PM