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Declaration

God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference

In JESUS name,
AMEN

Tuesday, September 29, 2009



i've never loved anyone so much
that i can handle arguments and still have the thought that its worth it.
cause i really want to be with you and make it last..

and seriously.
i duno how else to tell you,
that you are very impt to me.


i'll still wait for you.
the 2 months, that i promised.
i'll prove to you.

once again,every night its tears

11:05 AM


Monday, September 28, 2009


zzz..im bloody tired.
i hope tml can i perform well in training.
what more i have meeting tml at 10.30am T.T
consistency and passion i need you.

sigh.motivation is dying out.
i can feel it =(
its depressing.

i keep thinking if i shld change course to vet biology in NP
sigh.

pros:
-chase my BIG dream
-school nearer to my house
-i have friends in NP


cons:
-leaving my friends
-leaving NYPU
-NP is a big school i dont like.
-waste 1 year
-if change, i definitely must get scholarship and go Australia for further studies


sigh.how now brown cow fow mow.
last time i confirm wont change course because of him
but now..yea.
roars.i hate this.
its not fun.


what more, my other option is..
take night classes.
but if i do that..
i'll be quite stress plus i definitely have to give up frisbee
either way i lose out =(

sian i think my life quite sad.
NA go up express, i lose my friends in NA.
come NYP, i suffer for studies and traveling time plus heartbreak.
den now if i go NP i hv to give up my friends
fuck.im scare.im just fucking scare tat i'll make the wrong decision again =(

cause if i had stayed in NA..
i would defiantely get a better Os results
i would be happier in my sec4 class
i can stay in contact with my friends
i can get into vet biology without any frustrations.
sigh...



i miss you

once again,every night its tears

9:32 PM


Sunday, September 27, 2009


i only wish you know how im feeling right now.

once again,every night its tears

11:35 PM


Friday, September 25, 2009




jethro ong jun jie,
i really do love you.
i wish.wishing so hard
i can understand you..
and i can give you what you need
and be there for you when you need me
but, tell me why isit so difficult =(

you gave me back my life
and took it away from me.
every night i cry.
every time i think of you, it hurts.

once again,every night its tears

8:22 PM




overslpt and missed my appointment =(
good thing i was able to get a slot at 3pm later.
otherwise my next appointment will be next month!lol

aft appointment,
met choon.
catch up on each other's life and stuff
watched the movie 9
its horrible dont watch it.LOL
den had dinner at thai express
awesome luh so long nv eat there liao..
and yea came back home.
i duno why but im super tired.

i'll prolly sleep early today
aft dota-ing or mapling for 1 or 2hours.

DK training tml!
=)
consistency baby!



thanks choon,
for today.appreciate it =)

once again,every night its tears

8:18 PM


Wednesday, September 23, 2009


first msg i saw when i wake up..
is my resultss!lol

Inmolb - A
Physical Chemistry - B
Inorganic Chemistry - B
Math - D+
MicroA - B+
Com skill - B
Food Culture - B

GPA: 3.06


im okay with my results overall.
cause i expected myself to do quite badly =/
im only disappointed with MicroA,Com Skill and Food Culture
which i thought i can get A
oh well.
YAYS no need repeat module = no need change course?
but but..hes not with me anymore =(
sigh

once again,every night its tears

10:07 AM


Tuesday, September 22, 2009


i've got to stop dreaming abt all the
promises you've made to me
and all the happy moments we spent tgt
cause i know the chances of it coming back..
is so very low =(
and its not helping me to carry on with my life =(

i dread to wake up every morning,
cause its a nightmare to wake up into reality =(



i miss you so so much,
but i dont know if the feeling is mutual for you




they say,
only if the person and relationship meant alot to you..
the heartbreak period will be like hell.
and without heartbreak, people wouldnt treasure love as much and treat it as a passing matter..

oh wells.

once again,every night its tears

11:16 AM


Monday, September 21, 2009


不走 by Alex Toh
挺著胸 勇敢的面对呼唏的风
伤心总是带不走痛 有时候我觉得自己很没用
沉默 完完全全把你放在心中
有太多的话想对你说面对你都说不出口
眼睁睁的看著你离开我 我明白你有你的理由
你回头笑笑的看我 我心中痛痛的挥手
眼泪在心里流
BABY DON'T GO DON'T GO
HOW CAN I WAKE UP TOMORROW
I FEEL SO SAD I CAN'T TRUST LOVE ANYMORE
BABY DON'T GO DON'T GO
OUR LOVE WILL BE HARD TO FOLLOW
IT BREAKS MY HEART
IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME NO MORE
我站在这里双手空空 大雨下的不知所措
告诉我你在玩我 你躲在远处笑我
让我再为你坚持 不走




once again,every night its tears

7:39 PM




fuck.
i hate this sudden feeling of emo-ness
it totally sucks

suddenly,
i miss my cat
i miss him
i miss the times when we're tgt

fuck.
my heart hurts more than my ankle
stop mocking me
just stop giving me and snatching it away from me
its not funny
seriously it isnt =(

i dont even feel like doing anything anymore
i dont wana play frisbee
i dont wana study
i dont wana go school
i dont wana live this fucking life anymore.

its so hard.
seriously it is.


i can take anything else
but not anything that got to do with love and disappointment

once again,every night its tears

7:19 PM


Sunday, September 20, 2009


just came back from mondster's hse
and did abit of housework.
now im waiting to play dota with jethro.
yes, even though we broke up..
we're still friend
which is good in a way.
cause he is gona be my teammate be it in DK or NYPU
and obviously it still hurts when i see him every time.
but i dont have a choice.
i love him so much that im not giving him up anytime soon.


ytd, i went for DK training
it feels kinda awkward to have 2 of my ex in the same team as me..
but yea im still okay with it =/
oh wells.
i played well today! =) awesomeness
come on, just keep it up..being CONSISTENT =)
and i'll be on my way to be the best youngest player in DK and NYPU
aft the training, we had scrimmage against Freakshow/Shiok.
we lost BUT we put up a good fight cause we didnt have the main squad
plus the team is mostly the younger people and some new comers..
so yea. ALL THE WAY DK! =)
aft that..we went to mondster to swim and slack and drink.so yea.

and now, im having rashes -.-"
damn it.
i shld have controlled myself and not drink
but if i dont drink, wheres the fun!? esp with a group of friends
oh wells.


results are coming out soon!
omg i just hope.
it doesnt make my life feel even more like hell.
otherwise.
im prepared to write a Goodbye Letter to everyone.

once again,every night its tears

1:05 PM


Friday, September 18, 2009


i blame myself for being lousy
and for losing him.

i still cant do without you with being with me =(
even though its only been 3days.

i just hope
i can do well in tml's training.
consistency.


When you are dreaming with a broken heart,
waking up is the hardest part
- John Mayer



once again,every night its tears

5:17 PM




came back from class chalet.
super shag.
it wasnt exactly fun, cause there was very little ppl
but the 1st night was good enough to keep my mind off stuff.
overall, i wld say..
if only we had more people.it'll be fun.
yup thats all.

michelle and ginette
knew i was quite affected abt the breakup
even though i tried to hide it.
and i thought it was okay cause i managed to change my mindset
fast enough for me to concentrate on training..
but come chalet..i guess i kinda let it out abit
so on the 2nd day,
they locked me up in the room and forced me to tell them stuff
and cry it loud.
as in they did it cause they care
and i appreciate it =)
thanks girls =)
at least i know i have friends who bothers to know whats happening in my life
at first..i keep saying i dont wana cry and like im not going to cry
but they keep saying
den i just brust out crying
like for that few seconds
den..the rest was just tearing.
its hard for me to keep crying for even 10mins
i duno how to..plus i think its a waste of time.
im sad, very sad i know
but even if i cry, he wont come back


i duno i guess i was really broken
that i finished almost 3/4 of a pack in 2days.
i thought it wouldnt be very harsh
since i had the feeling it was coming
and i was sort of mentally prepared..
but in the end its the same.
and somehow..everything is like poking fun at me.

after training, when i board the train.
i enter a cabin almost filled with couples...
next when i on my MP3,
my 1st song was Goodbye to you by Michelle branch
2nd song was Losing you by Busted
3rd song was My happy ending my Avril
totally WTF.it was on shuffle mode..sigh..

i guess the next time when im very in love with a guy
and i dream that he'll walked away from me..
i had better prepared for the worse.
cause it isnt the 1st time it happen..sigh.
why cant i dream of him being with me =(

oh wells.
pain pain pain.
i just dont get it.
when im not prepared for a r/s, the guy seems to be so ready
but when im ready, the guy isnt ready.
just wtf is going on!?!
i hate this game
and having to play this game 3times in a row is fucking painful


all i know is..
im fucking scared and broken now
im like losing every thing this period
like slowly one by one..what i hold dear me..just abandon me
and somehow im ready to abandon myself..soon

once again,every night its tears

1:56 PM


Monday, September 14, 2009


some times, no matter how hard you try,
people just dont believe you are giving your best.
=(

the you im refering to, is myself =(
sigh.
i hope tml's training will be good.like wednesday..
consistent.
which is all i need, for now.

once again,every night its tears

7:38 PM


Sunday, September 13, 2009


best team.but never win.
big joke!
linkeddd


once again,every night its tears

3:24 PM


Friday, September 11, 2009


its raining..sigh.
if only we stayed closer
things would be easier.
this sucks..


someone told me..
before a relationship starts, the guy will be sweet to the girl, loving her lots..
after they get tgt,in a short period of time, the guy will be less sweet and doesnt express much anymore..you dont hear ILU or IMU as often anymore.
as the relationship continue, the girl will be more in love with the guy and the guy just fall out of love.

i just hope its not true for me n him.
seriously =(

once again,every night its tears

1:09 PM


Sunday, September 06, 2009


went out for NYPU girls outing today
after the prayer thingy

bonding was good.
had fun.
i mean we talked about stuff
and told each others' good n bad points
and yea bob and i broke down
i understand why she broke down..and yea

as for me.
its like, i didnt wan the same thing to happen to me in sec school to happen in poly
and wdv i told them..its something i really wana tell the girls ard me
even in secondary school but i just cant..so yea
as in, i dont mean to be defensive..but sometimes you've got to hear my story
i accept all that have been said and im trying to change
and its not like i want to be like this.
its not like i want myself to problem communicating with girls
its not like i want to give the impression to other girls that im flirting
its not like i want to give ppl the impression im not listening to their advice =(
i just cannot express myself.i dont know how to..
and every time i try, it always..always turns out the wrong way.

i mean i really really really do appreciate wdv you girls have told me
cause it shows that you care and want me to change
and i just hope you can understand me.
like REALLY understand me

sigh.oh wells.
someone give me medication to express myself better and have better control of my emotions
like seriously, PLEASE =(

oh wells.
went for movie with elle,bob,gladys and shireen
was suppose to watch up but NO TICKETS!only 1st row plus split.
NO WAYY.so we watched dance flick instead.
its a funny movie luh but not what i wld watch in theatres.

i still wana watch UP!
ohoh theres a new dance movie coming up too.
im definitely gona watch that no matter what.
the preview was awesomeee! =)

once again,every night its tears

10:59 PM


Saturday, September 05, 2009


you have no idea how much i love you baby.
and i get the feeling,
somehow you dont love me as passionately as before.
i dont know what to tell you when you say you have no confidence to keep me
i dont wana be like your ex..
who say shell stay and in the end leave
i will confirm tell you i will stay by you no matter what..
if only i know we're really meant to be.
but even you got the feeling that somehow we're not meant to be
i really dont know how to feel or think abt it.
but all i know is, i really love you and i really need you in my life

even though your way of expressing your love to me isnt exactly any girl wld want.
but its okay.i dont mind you not being romantic cause i know you dont know how to..
and its not your way of doing stuff
i know you dont like watching movies and eating out..
which is completely different from me
but i still love you and i want you.
i know you dont like to hit the beach
which is completely different from me
but i still love you and i want you.


you helped me get back my old self.
you make me look at things on the bright side
you taught me how to enjoy life
you constantly reminded me that r/s is always give and take
you make me wana excel in frisbee and in studies, so we can graduate tgt
you are my motivation.
you are my love.
you are my baby.

you have no idea how impt you are to me
you really have no idea..

i just wish,
we stayed closer tgt
than we can spend time tgt every now and then..
i just wish,
we have more things in common
than we can enjoy each others' company..
i just wish,
i can tell you all this
and hope you understand than our r/s wld be a better one..

once again,every night its tears

10:12 AM




went out in the morning with my parents
to buy some stuff
came home, dota with mike,his friend and baby..
aft that went to take a nap..
was super tired.duno why
den i watched naruto and bleach.
all those that i've missed since before common test started.
..roarss

sigh i duno what to do tml..
should i go for DK outing at sentosa den go my grandma's hse?
or shld i just go my grandma's hse
sian.i really duno sia.

all i know, i just wana spend time with him tml..
but cannot.


somehow,
i dont feel as attached to DK as to NYPU
honestly, speaking...
i dont know how to interact with people..
okay maybe im just not comfortable with them yet
but i duno luhh..
roars, i dont hv a gf in NYPU or DK =(
like no one to go training with me, hang out with aft that..
have some girl talks n stuff..
oh wells =(
loner

once again,every night its tears

12:13 AM