❤ Its more than just words.

Declaration

God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference

In JESUS name,
AMEN

Sunday, June 28, 2009

seriously today, captaining was stressful.
but overall okay luh.
just hope i was a good captain
i didnt really dare to scold the them
cause i scare they cant take it
but it seems like majority of the captains did fuck them upside down
oh wellss..
i dont even wana talk about summer league
i seriously gave in my all for the Punggol competition
that i completely cannot bring myself to run
even though i really want to
i really swear i was trying to do my best n run like siao
but my run like siao turn out to be jogging -.-"
argh fuck.
i dont even wana think abt how i played....
extremely disgusting
and thats just the 1st game..
the 2nd game against shiok,
i only played 1point through out the whole game i swear,
im gona keep my DK jerseys
and not wear them at all wearing it is like insulting DK
sigh...
Ralene, Ralene, Ralene...
where the fuck did the passion n energy for frisbee go to?
i just duno what to say luh seriously.
the way i played today. its like...fucked.

i mean i cant say tat cause i played the punggol competition n all den i cant run
its totally bullshit
cause almost everyone did play in the punggol competition but
can still play well in summer league.
fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck
someone just throw me down the building now =(

RALENE FOK RUILING,
YOU ARE FUCKING HOPELESS
=(

oh wells.
i tried to not be hopeless,seriously i tried like bloody hard...
but it seems like im still hopeless
but im happy tat mondster still shouts at me.
at least i know he still had hope for me..
but aft today i duno if he still have any for me.

anws, when i just alighted the bus
den i saw this couple sitting at the bus-stop
den the guy was shouting at the girl n pushing her..
n she was crying like damn jia liat
cant she just walk away..dumb
if i was her, i'll fucking screw the guy luh esp if he is my bf
anyhow push me.
i'll slap him n push him on the road for him to get knocked down X)
yea rightt...ahah
i'll just shout back n walk away
if he follows, i'll say i'll call police for harassment.
seriously luh tat guy is such as $%$#^@^&
like even untill i cross the road n was look at them before i walk to my hse road lane..
i saw the guy like still pushing her den the girl finally decided to stand up n push him
so she can walk away..didnt watch what happened later
cause got this guy..
he said:"may peace be with you"
me said:"oh thanks"
he said:" want go makan?"
me said:"erm no thanks"
den he followed me when im like walking back home
den he said:" erm sry for not being friendly, im been staying here for so long n didnt know u stay here.im like your neighbour ard here"
me said:"erm nvm.its okay"
he said:" i think i stay here for about 3 years alrdy den nv see you"
me said:" i think i stay long den you, like all my life"
he said:"erm yea,sry for not being friendly, but yea im Barborol(i seriously duno how to spell his name its like BA-BO-LO..sounds like a cig brand lol)
me said:"erm hi?"
he said:"erm yea if you got any trouble you can come fine me, call me"
den he starts taking out his hp den showed me his number
he said:" there im Barborol Paul, this is my number, 62313....."
me said:"erm, i dont think i'll have any troubles.thanks"
he said:" oh okay but if you do, you can call me, 62313...."
me said:" erm, okay"
he said:"erm yea, i go makan alrdy.bye"
me said:"er okay bye"

seriously luh
wth is happening
2times alrdy luh n its like 2weeks in a row! -.-"
but i duno if he is like those christian helpers or what
but i swear its scary
esp when he is like following me, like talking to me n walking with me at the same time!?!?
zzzz...fuck
lucky i wasnt feeling so moody tat time cause i was msging mike
abt some stupid stuff tat keeps making me laugh.
but seriously,
i think if i wasnt msging mike and if he didnt said " may peace be with you"
i wld be like "WHATTTTTTT"
lol..kinda rude but yea

freakning tired
and i think im gona sleep now.
9.20pm ahaha
damn it got to study tml.
i totally forget abt studying until i saw kids studying at kfc just now.
fagggggg

once again,every night its tears

8:20 PM

Saturday, June 27, 2009

freaking good dancer

once again,every night its tears

1:12 AM

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

You are classy, not afraid to go against the norm, and love to celebrate the joys of life. You love to be in the "right now" of society's latest "new thing" and because of that you exert the latest fashions and put a high priority on having a great time. After all, you deserve it after all the struggles you have gone through in life thus far. You have a little rebel in you, although you don't overtly show it because you keep yourself and your standards classy, sophisticated, and elegant. And chances are, you have a thing for jazz music. You are a perfect combination of lady-like and party animal.

i swear this quiz scared me for awhile.
if only people can read me like how it did.LOL
oh wells, back to microA
come to think of it.
i havent touched on phychem and maths yet!!
omg =(

you know,
i still cant get you off my mind.

once again,every night its tears

9:18 PM

went out to study with mike ytd
at bishan library
nic was suppose to come too luh!
but he had project work to do.oh wells.

i was quite happy n proud with myself
completed 5chpts of microA
from 1plus till 6pm
even though my head was gona brust at tat time.
information overload.LOL
but its okay.i managed to revise thru everything AGAIN

the only reason why i stopped studying at 5chpts is not cause i couldnt take it anymore
but its bcause..
chris came after his work
den he said there was a extension of 1 week holiday
you have no idea how freakning happy i was.ahaha
cause
firstly, i totally dont feel like going to schoool
secondly, the distance to school turns me off
thirdly, im totally not prepared for the common tests.
sigh.NYP, why are you sooo far far awayyyy
anw yea.
aft he said tat i totally was in the mood to play n go shopping
hehe X)

went for dinner at LJS
nic came to join us after tat
the 3 of us was playing with his new iphone.LOL
i swear the only reason i wld get an iphone
is because of the games.
some of them are freakning fun =)

aft dinner they accompanied me to go shopping
seriously, i wanted to get a casual dress
tat i can wear to school
cause im quite tired of shorts/jeans alrdy
zzz every time have to think of whether the top is matching or not.lol
oh wells.
didnt get any in the end cause
i either find it alittle to formal, cause its something i wont wear to school
or either its above my budget.
cause not like i overspent for the last few weeks rite -.- roars
sometimes i just wish im freakning rich.
went back home, searched for the news of the 1week extension thingy
and freakning flower-pot
they cancelled it =(
stupid government.go to hell. =x opps lol.
sigh. anws, L4D with them and kenneth n vyn
and seriously, i think theres something wrong with my com
duno why it lagged ytd
even though the thingy shows its okay..
roars.

so what did i do today!?
i was actually gona continue studying on microA
until i decided to blog 1st.LOL
and before that i watched troy the movie
i swear the lead actors in the movie are freakning hot!
esp archies(duno how to spell.LOL)
his eyes are super super attractive.
oh and i seriously think
that guys who look good in ancient clothing
are hotter den guys who look good in modern clothing
and..i think cause
those olden day clothing show more of the guy's body build.
i duno ahhaa.just a preference i guess
sigh i totally cant concentrate studying at home.
the kids running outside, making soo much noise..
my cat disturbing me every now and den.
this laptop... -.-"
is a MAJOR distraction to me.
i think i'll just fall asleep on the study table in like 30min when i start studying LOL
freakning hell.

tired and exhausted.
with a splitting headache

once again,every night its tears

5:46 PM

Sunday, June 21, 2009

spend my whole day trying to study
i can say i covered the all the topics in inorg
but
i dont understand a single shit.
flower-pot luh.
so frustrating
all the 5subjects in my course
n i dont understand any of it
i dont know stuff off my fingertips n its pissting me off
seriously
i look at myself and i feel extremely pathetic
almost everyone in the class have a subject that they can excel in
even the most ***** is also good in a subject
but wtheck look at me
i cant do microA, i cant do math..
neither can i do phychem or inorg
inmolb is not tested so its not counted...
even if it is i still cant do it anyway.
flower-pot
i've never felt like such a terrible terrible failure in my life before
apart from my Os and my lousy performance during frisbee trainings
sigh.flower-pot.

im totally gona break my promise

anw,
im just happy to know that i have friends who care
even though we are in different schools
and we hardly talk
and we're not that tight compared to the rest of my friends
but u're like still concern abt whats going on in my life n stuff
thanks yous many many much much ^^
you know im refering to you rite!haha

once again,every night its tears

11:16 PM

went to meet jireh n his friends at the monorail to sentosa
at 2pm.
lousy yanhan was late!for almost abt an hour!ahah
oh wells.
and i got cheated!argh
stupid food republic there write 4pieces of tutu cake is suppose to be 2bucks
but i ordered 4plain den he charge me $2.40 like wth
no ingredients lei!
hmmph went to siloso
saw aaron,jireh tay,aaron goh,wei song,joseph they all
wee so happy =) its been ages since i saw them! =)
so yea after playing abit of vball with my friends
i went to join aaron they all for frisbee for awhile until they left -.-
which was super earlyy!roars
den i saw robin!ahah from nyp ultimate
he was playing frisbee too!
with his sec school friends ahah
so yea i kept rotating between vball n frisbee hehe
i swear robin's friends are quite good!
fast,with decent throws n have a constant one hand catch ahaha
some of them are quite hot too X) opps haha
its the beach nth wrong to eyecandy alittle here and there right!ahaha
not like im attached now or anything lol!
ohoh ytd the beach got alot of hot babes..
well more den usual.
feel super inferior to them man.ahaha
time to lose weight damn it! X)
oh yea!
there was like a pretty darn ridiculous incident that happen during the frisbee game with robin n his friends
its like there was this group of wanabe ahbengs sitting some where near
2guys came over den confronted one of robin's friend
saying:
he " eh you, why you stare at my friend just now? "
frien " i never stare. "
he " say sorry now "
frien " ah okok sorry sorry "
(something like that but it was quite funny.i was laughing)
den they both walk off
i mean wth cant you see we're playing frisbee like we got time to stare at u uglys!
plus they totally have had to stop our game for that pathetic issue -.-
haha and its not like the person who got " stared" at came over to confront
it was his friend who accompanied him n asked.
zzz..totally no balls.stupid wanabe ah bengs
sit under the tree smoke smoke smoke.
obviously will draw attention when theres like a big group of you smoking under the tree
and not doing anything else
cause i totally didnt see them play soccer,frisbee,vball when i was there the whole time.
i just saw them sit there -.-" with no shirt on
zzz no abs also.den like wana act cool n muscular.sick sia
oh wells.disgusting.

i seriously wonder what if a girl stares at them
i wonder what they'll do.
will they approach the girl the same way as they did to robin's friend?
or like just ignore?haha i duno luh
well i did try to stare at them
but i failed.ahaha
cant blame me they are so not attractive,
if i had stared at them alittle longer to make it obvious,
my eyes will rot X)
or maybe right when he approached robin's friend,
he should just reply " cause i think you're hot "
i seriously wonder what his reaction will be!haha
i mean hellooo the world is changing
there are like many les n gays ard now.ahaha
it'll be darn funny.haha
crap if im a guy, i totally dont mind trying it on the wanabes ahah!

erm after sentosa,
went to palawan with jireh's female friends to go bathe
cause siloso is freaking packed with ppl..
esp with the event, lifes a beach
so yup.
after which we all met at carl's jr den we went back home.
tired.

got to start studying now.
boring!!

once again,every night its tears

1:19 PM

Saturday, June 20, 2009

thanks nickoo!
for listening to all my whining n rubbish =/
i think if you didnt lend me ur listening ear i wld hv killed myself mentally alrdy ahaha X)
no such thing i know but yea..
you knowwww...haha..
if i rmb correctly, this is the 2nd time that you lend me ur ears?
haha so yea THANKS ALOT FRIEND! =D
i dont think i'll know what to do if you werent here for me
sorry for spreading me emo-ness to you also! X) YIKES!
haha.
i'll listen to you too the next time if you got anything k!
and yes
we'll meet up soon.
david, weekian,kenneth we'll all go out tgt soon k!hangout =)
and david i know u read my blog so ahha, make time k! X)

oh yea,
thanks greg!
haha even though i think you dont really understand what i was saying
but thanks for like just listening luh ya? =)

somehow i guess things happen for a reason.
and maybe its better if i just follow the flow and leave it
its the last time for me,
cause i dont think i can handle it anymore.

once again,every night its tears

1:45 AM

Friday, June 19, 2009

oyster buffet, is love.
nth can be compared to this fantastic dinner! =)

i did study alittle today and im happy with it.
cause at least i stayed at home
and tried(emphasize on the tried) very hard to study
sigh.
i duno why i cant concentrate and memorize what i was goin thru
roars.lousy me =(
and i swear im sick again.
sucks to have a weak body..

sentosa tml.
finally well at least i get to go out.ahaha
if not it'll be a week since i went out to have fun..
im starting to miss the frisbee clique
and all the retarded times..

hmmm...
sometimes,
i think life is better off if i dont exist.
or rather, whether i exist or not it doesnt really make a difference.
argh, roars.
=( got to stop emo-ing
and this is what happens when im bored and alone at home =/

once again,every night its tears

10:35 PM

Thursday, June 18, 2009

i swear something scary happened when i was waiting for bus to school
its like there was this guy who look like 20yearold ++
approached me n offered me a lift to school.

he: "erm, hi, are you waiting for taxi or bus? "
(and i thought he was a taxi driver -.- he looked like one anw..)
me: "erm bus..."
he: " oh where are you headed to?"
me: " erm..school.."
he: " oh i can give you a lift, singapore poly? "
me: " erm no NYP, erm no need.thanks.i'll wait for bus"
he: " what bus are you waiting for?"
me: " erm bus 10"
he: " erm bus 10 doesnt go to yck what.i can give you a lift there."
me: " erm no need.thanks"
he: " nvm luh its okay, i work as a service engineer my workplace is ard yck "
me: " erm,thanks but its okay.i rather wait for bus"
he: " its okay luh, i'll give you a lift den i'll go to work"
me: " erm no need,i really prefer waiting for bus,thanks"
he: " why?its just a ride"
me: " erm cause its not right?i duno you and stuff?"
he: " we can be friends now.just hitch a ride luh"
me: " erm..erm..nvm luh.thanks anw"

(yes, i kinda rmb-ed the whole conver cause it was freaking scary)
i swear, he is freaking persistant.
scary =(
and its like i know after he gave up tryin to convince me
he was still watching me from somewhere
cause when i boarded bus 10,
i saw him walk to his car.
omg wth scary.
i bet if i just tell him that im still 16, he'll just walk away or something
haha.i think i shld hv just done that to shut him up.

so yea anw, done with the phychem projectwork.
yays =)
aft tat went to eat pepper lunch AGAIN with
ky,ginette and michelle.
went back to school
we tried to study
but we end up talking rubbish again.ahah X)
girls, what to do..
left school at 7.50pm
went to HDB hub.
couldnt find the dress that i saw last week =(
oh wells.
took 143 back.

i swear its either im really attractive today
(which obviously is not the case cause im just wear tank top n shorts)
or the world is with retarded ppl
sat on the upper deck of the bus
den theres like this 2guys
like keep teasing me luh
when im like freaking trying to sleep
keep shouting " eh girl"
and all those.
irritating jerks.
cant you see im not interested in wdv you are tryin to play at and i want to sleep
stupid.

and yea, i went back home alone
even though i am still quite scare abt what happen in the morning
ahhh~
at times like this i wished i had someone to protect me.
but oh wells, looks like i can handle it myself anw =)
im a independent and brave girl okay!!!ahah X)
i totally cant imagine if i always have to depend on someone
totally no life..

oh wells.
tired.
oyster buffet tml.
awesome =)

i dont get it.
why cant guys multi-task?
like seriously

once again,every night its tears

10:09 PM

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

i never did like that bunch of bastards.
=/

once again,every night its tears

10:28 PM

went for dental in the morning.
stupid dental,
make me miss out the chance to meet him today =(

he told me that we're to take things slow.
i totally dont mind,
its just that im scare..
instead of taking things slow
it'll fade.it'll just disappear..
after past relationships, im honestly quite of breakups n all those rubbish
but i guess, maybe taking things slow
such stuff wont happen as much?
i dunoo
will you have time for me if we get tgt?

after dental, went out with my parents for awhile
if not they'll complain that i've not been spending time with them

came back home and fell asleep
zzz..i think im sick
got the sickly feeling
sigh.

project work tml!
sians
what the flower-pot luh!
totally hate project works =(
a complete waste of time.
its not like we dont know our stuff.

(FYI, its week 9 alrdy T.T)
COMMON TEST DATES:
Week 11
MicroA - 29 june
Phychem - 30 june
Inorgchem - 1 july
Math - 2 july
Week 12
Food culture - 10 july

DEADLINES:
Week 14 - CS Report
- Food culture presentation
Week 15 - MicroA website
- Food culture presentation
Week 16 - Food culture poster presentation
Week 17 - Phychem video project

looks like my only break i have is week 13
stupid flower-pot luh =(
i hate elective.
its like not even a core module!argh.
sucks man..

once again,every night its tears

8:20 PM

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

i got rashes! ROARS
haha oh wells..
seriously no more alcohol for me..

plans for today,
study and more study
hopefully i can at least go through all the microA topics today
im gona freaking score all in my test
wtf man i talking abt!?
haha i totally have to, if not its no more frisbee and NYP for me and hello shaltec

im super tired now.
it must either be the medicine or its because i slpt at 4am last night
oh wells.

i will stop smoking for you.
i wont take a single puff =)
promise.
i will stop the vulgarities for you
well, at least i'll try my best =)
promise ^^

back to mugging now
like NOWWW =(

once again,every night its tears

1:59 PM

Monday, June 15, 2009

the party was okay.
programme was fun,
nice planning xiao lun! =)
the only thing that was boring was after the programme
cause there wasnt any dancing!
couldnt sleep either cause i drank alcohol
and i was having a major headache =( suckss
i think at most i slpt for 2hours?
but yea played finger guessing game
forfeit is that you either drink or kiss
so yup.
it was quite funny in the beginning but it got boring aft awhile

when it was 7am on sunday,
everybody left
only leaving the league people ard
so we went to sk field in ben's lorry
was freakinggg tired =((
but okay luh i felt that i had slightly more energy compared to the rest of the times i played..
played against Young Knights(YK) at 10am -.-"
and we won the gamee! yay
had lunch den played against DK orange at 2pm
and we won the game too! =)
had another match immediately after that
played against chuckies
we won them but we played quite badly =(
oh wells
i duno if its because we're complacent or if its a habit
but we tend to play to the level that the opp team plays
cause when we played against fs, we played quite okay better den the rest of our games
but when we played against chuckies its like totally wtf
or maybe its because we are all damn tired.
i duno luh
but im trying to get out of it
i wana perform my best at every game.

and roars,
why the hell did the school give us so much work and project work to do =(
and its only freaking 2weeks!wth
plus we all got common test after the break!argh
obviously the school is out to torture science students -.-"
i shld hv freaking went to business and like just ignore wdv my parents say
cause i totally dont feel like studying anymore.roarsss
oh wells =/
gtg back to my report T.T
anyone kind enough to help me with all this rubbish? =/

once again,every night its tears

12:25 PM

Thursday, June 11, 2009

math test was totally wth
i can only score 20marks out of 100marks man. =(
sigh.oh wells.
screwed-eddd =/
im in school now.
trying to rush my assignments n stuffs
by today
with ginette,michelle n ky
cause im going back to fmss tml den im going out
and sat and sunday
got frisbee =x
sigh.HELP!
ive done microA report and e-learning inorg
still got phychem report which i hv no idea how to do
e-learning phychem,
inorg tutorial,
phychem tutorial..
and whatelse..i cant rmb =/

poly made me a cool nerd X)

once again,every night its tears

1:03 PM

i feel so bad for letting my friends ard me to handle my bad temper.
im sorry.

oh yea,
happy birthday gladys ^^
sorry couldnt celebrate ur birthday with the rest.

roars.
i duno wtf is wrong with me
super short-tempered
sigh,
im like changing back to my old self.
fruck.
will all the vulgarities and hot-temperedness
(okay i know theres no such word but yea)

cut down on vulgarities
cut down on vulgarities
cut down on vulgarities!

test tml.
damn.
i dun even know what to study for i mean...
i dont understand!the notes is like totally not helpful at all!
nehneh luh.

oh wells.
tired and i wana sleep now.
lesson at 3pm later =(
was about to start complaining abt how unfair my timetable is compared to the rest
but i guess i shall just stop here.

and oh yea.
i think i'm starting...
starting to hate guys.
(sry no offense, just saying..)
a sign of turning les?LOL

once again,every night its tears

1:03 PM

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

friends and family is the only reason why im still alive
cause i dont wana see them being sad
esp my parents i can just imagine how heart broken they'll be
if they knew that their youngest child committed suicide
they are the only reasons that holds me back..

i totally have to cry in front of so many people
how stupid am i.fruck man
freaking embarrassing.
but i really couldnt control it..
the stress and all.
esp when its a "conflict" between a friend who i treasure
argh fruck.
seriously, okay i suck at these kind of stuff
but its not like i can do anything when i cant stop crying
cause i totally hate it
i hate " arguing" with someone who i treasure
esp frisbee friends.
i really cant take it.
call me weak or wdv.i dont care.
i treasure my friends and i totally cannot control my reactions
whenever such stuff happens.
argh wdv.
its over and i totally feel like sleeping now
cause all i know im just really really sad.

BUT!
on the bright side!
my team, consisting of..
janice,janet,val and myself
came in 1st for the campus road run! =)
1st place baby!! =)
and bloody neh i shld hv ran for individual den i can get 4th or 5th place.
ROARS!
oh wells.i really wana know my timing for my run
so if any kind soul would tell me please? =/

gona start a studying spree

once again,every night its tears

10:16 PM

Sunday, June 07, 2009

did work in the morning
rushed down to SK field for summer league
played for the 2nd half only
no comments on how i played today
i cant really be bothered alrdy
cause all i know is i tried to contribute all that i can in todays game
cause today is not a throwing day, neither isit a catching day.
so all i can contribute was during defence.
but its not like i did extremely well for defence n got any Ds
but yea.
i did my best for today.thats all i can say.

went for dinner at subway
loves the italian B.M.T wrap =)
i think i'll always order that the next time i go subwayyy
subway!subway!

argh the stupid cream tat lb gave me is burning my leg!
i mean from the time i applied it on the field n to now aft i bathed!
hot!hot!!hot!!!

oh wells
i duno what to do tml!! =S
cause tml i got 2hours of lesson in the morning
9am-11am
and..my 1st option is,
to stay in school and study(bringing bag and laptop -.-" )
2nd option is,
go chris hse and slack(bringing file n laptop only)
3rd option is,
go home and duno do what(bringing file only)

oh yes, i have math test on wed.so yea..
roarss
and the wound on my leg
is gona leave a fucking ugly scar =(
screw the abrasion!!!

once again,every night its tears

10:38 PM

Thursday, June 04, 2009

im suppose to blog alot of stuff today.
but im feeling tired and got lots of stuff to do!
so i shall just keep the interesting stuff

i cope this from a magazine.
dnot sure if its true, but i was laughing like mad when i read this..

S'PORE MEN LOUSY SPERM?HOW, LIKE DAT?
Local guys have been criticised on many thins, but now, they have an official reason to feel lousy. SGH's Dr Yu Shu Ling says that the sperm quality of Singapore men lags far behind international standards. The problem, she says, is the head of the little swimmers. Apparently, guys, your sperm should have a pointy head, not the rounded ones many of you have. It's time to switch to boxers, you guys.
(word for word.i swear)

haha.omg luh can.
my next bf had better like wearing boxers.LOL!
but honestly, i think guys in boxers are hotter den guys in underwear.
but obviously not when guys wear their boxers like as though its another pair of shorts..
for those i just find them ridiculous.

oh yea,
im trying very hard to change what i am now
recently im bloody short-tempered and moody
freaking fed-up with myself
oh wells,
at least im trying to let go of stuff i cant really control
and appreciate what i have ard me.
emphasize on trying.

once again,every night its tears

11:12 PM

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

didnt go for training today
cause i felt really uneasy today.
very very uncomfortable
and looking back,
every time i feel this why, i shouldnt play frisbee
otherwise i'll end up getting injured again -.-
(and yes i've been telling ppl different reasons to why i didnt play frisbee.cause i didnt wana explain)

so yea anw
studied in the library with
chel,ginette and kaiyun
in the end, we end up talking all the sick nonsense
freaking funny
can say today was one of those days
whereby i can laughed till my face hurts...
in other words i really enjoyed that girls session..
cause its been so so long since i laughed like mad.

went to the stadium when they all left
waited for joel,threw disc den went back.

when i ask joel whats his 1st impression of me,
he said that i always dont smile,
very dao and like got the " talk to me,i'll beat you up " kind of look
and because of tat some ppl dont like me in frisbee =(
oh wells.
i kinda got the feeling when i saw some ppl.
but its not like i can do anything if i look like tat.
lol. i mean.
i seriously duno how to give ppl the impression that im not dao
and i dont wana beat them.
i cant be 24hours smiling like a idiot rite.
lol.oh wells.

8am tml. =(
unfair how people got lesson at 1 and end at 5
roars.oh wells.

oh yes,
i really cant wait for the junior's party =)
excited! =)

once again,every night its tears

11:18 PM

Monday, June 01, 2009

saw this paint brush on my table.
touching the brush tip brings back memories
back when i was staying back in school everyday to do art.
when i knew everything, i knew what i wanted.
i had friends that was always there with me during retarded times
even though im always alone doing art.

i miss doing art.
very badly.
i miss mdm lim
i miss painting and drawing
i miss all my friends in sec school
and my cca
back than, life was tiring but awesome.
at least i had a purpose.

now i really feel helpless
i dont know what to do.
my course is retardedly difficult
and whats worse is that i cant bring myself to study everyday
i mean.to study EVERY SINGLE DAY!?
i just cannot adapt to it.
whatever happen to poly is slack.

i mean i just need to find my goal.
cause currently now
i really dont find any purpose in life.
i would definitely continue smoking
if werent for frisbee.
i would just quit poly
but once i quit, i know i'll regret it
theres no motivation in my life
no motivation to live
no motivation to study
no motivation to strive for the best.
fruck.
and since when i adapt this mindset?
im thinking its when i freaking score lousily for my bloody Os
when i studied like fruck
and when i try so hard for frisbee
but im not improving at all.
i'll just admit that im not cut out for life being so tough.

honestly, i feel disgusted with myself
i mean its totally not me to think that way
like a total loser
but i cant change back

i swear its frucking difficult to pretend that everything is alright when its not
its really damn frucking difficult
but i know, i just need to cross this hurdle and everything will be fine
then again, when?
seriously, when?

everytime i hear the song on my blog now.
i'll feel like shit
but i love the song.

note here,
im not being desperate -.-
i just miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved.
i guess ugly n uselsss girls like me
dont get much chances with what they want.
oh but wait even girls that dont look better den me always get what they want.
i guess....
its just me then..

where did my confidence go to?
come back to me please. =(
im dying, suffering w/o you.

once again,every night its tears

11:23 PM