<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/20149472?origin\x3dhttp://wholeofher.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Declaration

God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference

In JESUS name,
AMEN

Monday, June 01, 2009


saw this paint brush on my table.
touching the brush tip brings back memories
back when i was staying back in school everyday to do art.
when i knew everything, i knew what i wanted.
i had friends that was always there with me during retarded times
even though im always alone doing art.

i miss doing art.
very badly.
i miss mdm lim
i miss painting and drawing
i miss all my friends in sec school
and my cca
back than, life was tiring but awesome.
at least i had a purpose.


now i really feel helpless
i dont know what to do.
my course is retardedly difficult
and whats worse is that i cant bring myself to study everyday
i mean.to study EVERY SINGLE DAY!?
i just cannot adapt to it.
whatever happen to poly is slack.

i mean i just need to find my goal.
cause currently now
i really dont find any purpose in life.
i would definitely continue smoking
if werent for frisbee.
i would just quit poly
but once i quit, i know i'll regret it
theres no motivation in my life
no motivation to live
no motivation to study
no motivation to strive for the best.
fruck.
and since when i adapt this mindset?
im thinking its when i freaking score lousily for my bloody Os
when i studied like fruck
and when i try so hard for frisbee
but im not improving at all.
i'll just admit that im not cut out for life being so tough.

honestly, i feel disgusted with myself
i mean its totally not me to think that way
like a total loser
but i cant change back

i swear its frucking difficult to pretend that everything is alright when its not
its really damn frucking difficult
but i know, i just need to cross this hurdle and everything will be fine
then again, when?
seriously, when?


everytime i hear the song on my blog now.
i'll feel like shit
but i love the song.

note here,
im not being desperate -.-
i just miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved.
i guess ugly n uselsss girls like me
dont get much chances with what they want.
oh but wait even girls that dont look better den me always get what they want.
i guess....
its just me then..



where did my confidence go to?
come back to me please. =(
im dying, suffering w/o you.

once again,every night its tears

11:23 PM