Declaration
God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,and,
the wisdom to know the difference
In JESUS name,
AMEN
Friday, February 29, 2008
another boring day.
ate lunch wid amber after physics remedial
den went for art...
at times i really really feel like jumping off.sigh
during chem i helped tat someone who gossiped abt me do her chem corrections..
see i so nice rite, i duno whats wrong wid me but i just helped her anw..
its she hate me not like i hate her so i dun think theres any wrong in helping either rite..
sighh..
i said some very very stupid during class contact n i just realised it aft 2mins aft saying it..
what i said made me look like i'm very proud n all those..
i really didnt mean it tat way.sigh..so much for being direct..
but aiya who cares..
no matter what i do ppl will still hate me,stab me n curse me to death..
so wheather i do good or bad noone really cares..
people will still think i'm a bitch
sometimes i really feel like going back to my old bitchy atittude
when i start gossiping abt ppl, backstabbing them n make thier life like hell..
but aiya come to think again, i love God more den i dislike them(not that i think i dislike them)so whats the point..
unless they really over do it, which i dont think will be very soon cause i've got high tolerance lvl..
so that means if i start a arugement/fight in class..
it must be darn bad or too much for me to take.but yea...
i really hope i dun hv to explode cause i really really dun wan to..
it took me less den a year to change my atittude but it made me went thru alot of trouble..
i'm really scare that if i explode i would remain being a bitch..
i can only recall why i changed is because of God and for him.
sigh..
tml is meet the parents.
Gb is gona end early prolly at 5plus? so yupp..
and i'm the orderly sigh..
its been really stressful this year.
i think i made the right choice on not being attached this year.
i really really cannot imagine having a bf now.
i really would hv died long ago..
not say its stressful being with my ex or anything..
i think he is a really gd bf but i just cant keep him..
having to manage so many things is alrdy a pain in the neck..
i dont even think i can set aside time for my bf(if i had 1)..
going out is definately a big no..even talking on phone is difficult.sigh..
i guess it is a good thing though, no distractions.
once again,every night its tears
12:19 PM
Thursday, February 28, 2008
today was alright, slpt during english lesson -.-"
i think my class is really bullshit..
i shld hv just stayed in NA..
at least i've got a supportive n united class..
not like 4C.. -.-"
sometimes when i look at other classes n look back at my class..
sometimes its really disgraceful..i just dont know how to say it..
during math lesson(mr ho wasnt ard cause he had to go for course)
jia qi,sarah n i were discussing abt the class shirt..
den i was thinking, whats the point when our class dont even bother abt anything..
organise class outing also no use,
some ppl say they'll come, but on that day definately wont show up..
some ppl say untill like they are forced to come..
i mean like whats the point man,
4F class outing 90% of the ppl went...and they went happily,not forced,willingly..
sigh i've just got nth esle to say..
you may think tat i told barn something about you.
but i did not, understand? I DID NOT
i just said we can just cancell class outing cause not many ppl will go.
so wdv you wana say abt me i dun gif a shit cause i know i didnt say it.
i know you hate me,
but theres nth i can do.
because of you i almost blame the innocent,
because of you i walked out on my friends
and suffered emotionally since last year.
do you know how much i tried to forgive n love you as a friend
but now you just hate me,blame me for something i bare no responsibility at all?
i just wished i never knew you,
never came to 3C and never ever were you my friend
God i really need you to show me the way,
its really not my fault tat things are happening in this way..
one day i may just jump off a building or something..
its really depressing..having to keep up the standards n taking the blames that i didnt do at all.
where have all my friends gone to?
i really really want my friends back..
ever since i came to express, my NA friends have drifted from me
like as though i'm a offshore island now..
in express, i'm too afraid to make any moves..
i really dun wana screw up my last year but things are screwing up my life
do you really understand me God?
its been since last year i'm feeling this way only thing now its worse.
i had enough of ppl gossiping,backstabbing n everything esle..
cause everytime i go to school i hear ppl saying things..
not abt me but its sad to see our supposely united 4C to be in this way.
or maybe 4C is united in being in hyprocrite rite?
sigh, i just wished things wld get better..
the conflict in our class would all be solved.
once again,every night its tears
11:55 AM
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
got 4th place for captain's ball thingy..oh wells..
nice play MJ
(boas,nikki,eunice,rossane,jun rong,cliton,brian,ming jie n myself)
okay i'm so gona vent my anger now..
wtf did i ever do to u beside liking you!?
wtf is ur bloody problem!!
even though u or ur f**king friends said one bloody sentence but it just says alot luh.
f**k you luh!
IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT!!!!
why did i eva f**king like someone like you?
ARGHHHHHHHH!
once again,every night its tears
11:54 AM
Monday, February 25, 2008
woke up at 9+ to study lit..
apparently i didnt really study, i just opened my book n day dream..as usual
went out to meet russell,jon,desmond,cheryl,jing xia,riaz,daniel n patten
sort of celebration to celebrate russell's bday..
watched the movie L change the world.
omg he is soooo cute & smart!he is definately in my eye candy list. =DD
i duno why but i tend to like guys smarter den me n somehow adorable in their own unique way..
so far i've got 4eyecandies in my list =)
i'll just feel damn WOOO when i see them haha..
the guys went to play lan..russell n patten went to cut thier hair at supercut..
cheryl,jingxia n myself followed them den russell asked me to cut my hair short
cause he say i look old..den i was like really meh..
but yea, aft i graduate..i'm gona go suepr to cut,perm n dye my hair =))
aft went to more than words..guys went to nike shop
bought markong's present..den me n jing xia also bought russell a spongebox boxer
ate at pastamania, managed to get russell to treat me dinner =)
wahahaha 1 things girls are gd at is to persuade guys in doing stuffs.ahah
but yea i didnt whine, while persuading him of course -.-"
desmond,jon n i went to harbour front n waited for mr n mrs fong to sent us back =)
thanks mr n mrs fong!
tiring day..tml i'm gona fail my lit test =(
and i've got drill practice tml..oh wells
L my eye candy!=D
once again,every night its tears
2:41 PM
Sunday, February 24, 2008
WOO! GB ORIENTATION CAMP IS OVERR!
at least now i feel a whole pile of load off my shoulder.haha =)))
Day 1
Went for normal GB mtg untill 4pm den went to prepare obtacle course for the sec1s.
it was kinda rush because i've got very limited manpower and not everyone is helping -.-
so yea, to the guys that help me carry the tables n chair: THANK YOU!SOO MUCH! =))
things kinda got stucked, cause i have to be at 2places at one time!WTH...
i have to make sure the obstacle course is doen propoerly and conduct intro game.
well hannah is suppose to do the intro games but last min she says she duno how to so yea..
oh wells, i left the obstacle course to chel n the rest den i conduct the games..
the sec1 girls are very chatty and independent mayb thats why its sooo difficult to get thier attention and respect..but i managed to get thier attention =)
so yea something went wrong with the soapy water at the obstacle course,
the soap kinda looked like its vomit, so...running down frm 3rdlvl(where the sec1s is) to the parade sq den to dover and back..super tiring..
we managed to settle it before the girls came down wid chel..
kinda glad that the enjoy the obstacle course,
after which they have to bathe den have dinner den mini games..
while they are having mini games, the actresses,log n myself are preparing for the night game..
when the sec1s gather in the LT, they were rather noisy as usual..
i tired to create the spooky mood..which i dont think is spooky at all even though a girl cried..
so i went into the story that someone was kidnapped and showed them the picture..
the picture kinda give it away even though i disfigured it abit..
they keep asking me if i was the one in the photo..haha.oh wells...
it was fun scaring them n everything =)
They had supper den debrief..
exco memebers ourselves also have debrief abt what happen and everything..so yea
i didnt bring sleeping bag cause my sleeping bag is not very much like sleeping bag..
so i just brought a extra towel to sleep on..bad choice ralene..
i didnt sleep really sleep at all partly because i was feeling suepr cold and that i'm kinda worried abt the girls..
cause they said someone was sleepwalking??
ok but anw LWX n myself checked it out alrdy she was like awake but very sleepy..
so not really sleepwalking i guess..but i kinda got a shocked when i saw the girl..
she was sleeping in a super super werid/freaky way..so yea..
poor devotion ppl,
have to practice before sleeping..
Day 2
woke up early ok not really say wake up but yea, cause i didnt sleep..
oh yea and my left ear is kinda swollen cause i think some thing bite my ear its like big n pinkkish..
packed up my stuffs n wash up..den went down to help wid the breakfast
guess what?standard, bread,kaya/peanut butter and milo ahha..
oh wells, had quiet time..which i didnt do at all cause i was cleaning up the canteen..
as some tables have kaya n peanut butter even though we gave them plates for it..
lol so yea den went to prepare the mini games(pop the balloon and dragon's tail)..
halfway thru the mini games, have to prepare the station games..
it was kinda messy and rush..but overall i think everything went well.
at least no groups got lost or anything..
they had to clean n pack up thier bunks after the games n prepare for devotion at PA room..
devotion was alright but its kinda short though...
had debrief, bunk inspection n yupp BYE SEC 1S HOPE YOU HAD FUNNN =))
exco couldnt leave yet cause we had to pack up our own bunk and debrief..
the ex fairsians n teachers bought us ice-creams =))
YAY! thank you! but i cant eat it ahaha, so i gave it to my parents..
so yea thats about it, well the sec1s changed from day 1 to day 2..
as in day 1 they dont wana co-operate and listen to us but like in day 2, they at least put in effort to play the games n listen to instructions more =) ahaha
came home n slpt like a pig ON THE FLOOR
ahah yesss you might be wonder why the floor CAUSE i dun wana dirty my bed ahaa..
so i slpt for awhile den went out for dinner at fish&co wid my parents..
thier new york fish n chips is darn niceeeeeeee very very nice
but damn damn expensive..so yupp got to start preparing for my tests!!
once again,every night its tears
1:21 PM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
i'm super tired...
i'm really really tired of life.
how i just wish i could just scrap all my problems n throw it in the bin
i really wish things could be how its was like begining of last year..
when i had friends i could trust,
when i had friends that would stay by me,
when i was ace-ing in my studies,
when i had someone i love,
everything is Gb went well,
family with lesser troubles..
now life really really sucks alot.
i dont even think anyone would care if i would just dissapear
they say Sec4 is the year where you make best friends
but now it just seems like a lie to me.
like its totally bullshit, cause i freaking dont see it coming
esp when people are backstabbing,gossipping and behaving in a way that everyone owes them a living..
they say when you grow older, you'll grow to be more mature and thoughtful..
it seems like almost everyone is growing in the oppsite...
behavin in a immature way that only sec1 students would,
creating politics only sec1s would..
whats the fucking point of all these bullshitting?
why cant i have friends/classmates like my NA friends?
a class where everyone is bonded, we all love each other,we all help each other and we all excel together.
freak luh, life is just not fair.
you gave me everything but took away everything like snatching's a toddler's lollipop
whats the meaning of it?cant you leave me with something that i could hv a purpose to carry on?
God, i need you badly now,just where are you?
no one understands how i feel except you, so please, dont leave me?help me out here..please?
you know the reasons for my tears every night, you how i really feel...
help me out, show me a miricle.please?
once again,every night its tears
1:47 PM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Woooo long day
after school went to see mr ho to revise wid me the pop quiz paper tat i failed..
den went for tuition by hitchin(?) a ride from jon =) thanks jon even though i paid 1buck for nth!
so yup, did more probability qns den i took a nap on the sofa.
aft which i did abit of math n physics..
mum came to pick me up n went for dinner wid my dad at manhill restuarant
which is near my hse...
we ate 3dishes(claypot chicken,fish & vegetable)only and guess wads the price..
$99.80!
like WTF we all didnt expect it to go over $70 luh.
such a rip off man!
its my 1st n last time going to tat restuarant there!eat ppl's money only..
but the food is good,well not bad luh..
oh wells this week i'm super busy due to tests n GB orientation thing..
so most prolly i wont be blogging untill its all over or maybe when i'm free..
wish me luck for all my tests man, i hope i can get distinctions haha! X)
once again,every night its tears
1:20 PM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
My valentines day pressent!
look at the amount of sweets man!POH came back to skl just to pass me e yellow flower!
HOW SWEET! ILU POHH!
but she got gif other ppl also..haha still! =)
What i got for my surprise gift lol
the drawing he gave
Vday card(jo),packet of herseys(marcus),ferror roache(chermaine),gummybears(WZ),wraped up chocolate in foolscape(choo),noguat wid bear clip(chia),
1st packet of sweets(leong),2nd packet of sweets(nat),
3ferror roache(terrence&dorcas),1 hersey(jing yang LOL!),
cross necklace(jacob),tobolone(sarah),many hearts(ellysha&andah),
1ferror roache(steffi),ferror roache wid box(nikki),
ferror roache wid heart card(xingya)
Thanks for the gifts =)
i thought today was kinda boring,stressful n tiring..
Gb was ok i guess..
only thing the sec 1s are super noisy..keep chatting n chatting..
because that stupid principle of ours dun allow..
like come on, our senoirs played wid us murder games n let us play wid flour too can..
wads wrong man!
they say he is scare it might scare the sec1s..like its the purpose luh!
must be scary den thats where the fun is, if not it'll be fucking boring
next about the freaking flour, flour is edible damn it!
not like they are gona get food poisioning luh..even ms reena allow can.
tsk irritating piece of shit luh..now i got extra work..
i have plan another game tat can last up to 1hour plus i think and change the obstacle course.
screw it!stupid school, why cant u tell us earlier?
next wk i've got freaking test everyday.how do u expect me to study.
i hv to do it by tonight or either tml..
argh screw luh!%#&$%&%(%#&$ freaking pissted..
stupid stupid stupid stupiddd!
all because of one stupid guy, just one guy's opinion tat flour will get food poisioning n its too scary, creates so much trouble..
i hv to finish proposal best by monday so i can send it to the girls,
explain the new game on wed n make sure wad i need for new game is there by thurs.
thanks alot luh mr aw yong.damn it luh..
waste my fucking percious time thinkin n doing the night game.
why cant u tell us earlier damn it..
its freaking always like tat luh..expecting us(students) to handle things n get it done to its best when u ppl at the upper side tell us so late..teenagers like us hv to suffer n sleep lesser n lesser.
like come on! i'm only 16 i dun wana freaking get bigger eyebags now luh, i wana look pretty can!
arghhhh!pissted.
sry to those whom i showed attitude to or wdv..srry
once again,every night its tears
12:11 PM
Friday, February 15, 2008
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
school was as per normal..
only thing i was busy giving out gifts to ppl =)
but i think i didnt buy enough cause i left out some ppl n i kinda feel bad.SORRY!
did have enough money when i was at candy empire..
its suppose to be a happy day..
but it seems like most of the teachers are PMS-ing..
mayb they are irritated wid the behaviour or wdv..
was kinda pisst wid the guys in my class during pe
Ms Lee was counting late 1sec do 1 push up..
n the guys still can slowly take thier time to walk..
like wtf man, ended up we hv to do 91push ups..
its like ppl still wana have thier arms attached to thier body rite..
freaking self-fish luh..THANK GOD i dun hv any bf in my class.tsk.
even though i hv a ex but wth this kind of attitude, FORGET IT
but she said we'll do it aft 2.4 run..
so yea. my timing was 14min30sec.
lol i'm like soo slow ahha cause i walked, was hungry n didnt feel like running..
bell rang for recess..ppl still hvnt finish the run yet cause we started late, thanks to the guys.
*(&%&^$^*##*&^
den the guys went off for recess w/o Ms Lee consent den we hv to wait for them again
&^*%&$*& cant stand it man! Do they acttually think the whole world owes them a living?
what the fuck is thier problem!? n we were late for recess..but lucky we didnt do the 91push-ups
anw..i only managed of eat afew spoons of chicken rice
den went for physics lesson, w/o changing back..den Mr liew let us(those who nv change)change back..
after skl went to clementi wid patten n jon..
met audrey there..
den they gave me a suprise gift..ok it was daniel but they helped..like covering my eyes n all those..
he gave me a rose,a valentine's day card n a drawing of my name..
thanks =) i kinda stunned there, cause it was so pai sei..
ok next time, valentine's day, i'll just say i'm not free..
so yupp aft tat we went to eat at pizza hut..
food wasnt as bad as i think..better den PS's pizza hut!
den i came home..
started doing my homework..
just finished my lit journal thing 20mins ago..so yupp.
still got art n physics graph..
HOW ON EARTH DO U DO PHYSICS GRAPH!?
nehneh luh..hmm..i think Valentine's day increases the chances of ppl getting diabities(Sp?)
even though i know it doesnt hv to do anythin wid getting diabities haha
its just a saying when you eat to much sweet or chocolate haha..
i've got a bag of sweets n chocolate luh! =)
only daniel n jacob gave me something esle den sweets
jacob gave me a cross necklace.lol.
not bad i love cross necklaces as long they are not of same design ahha..
tml during Gb the sec 1s will be coming to join us..
n orientation is NEXT WEEK!
WTF WTF WTF O.O
okayy..so yupp, i do hope the 1st impression they get is a gd one..
n i heard alot of sec 1I girls are joining us o.O
shall post the photos when i hv time i guess!
scary man, i cant imagine faces them cause they all are crazy over my friend..weridddd
oh wells..hope everything goes well. =)
once again,every night its tears
3:16 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
had a long day today.
i got sent out of class during lit for not bringing my journal ahha
practiced enrolment aft gb metting..
super tired..kinda preparing vday gifts now..
i hope i dun hv any homework due tml cause i cant rmb any!
lol..oh man..i hope the ppl whom i'm giving too appreciates it man..
even though its a small thingy..but still..its e thoughts tat counts!
oh wells...
once again,every night its tears
1:08 PM
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Eve of CNY
me n jacob =))
me n jim =))
me n chel
ahh ghost!haha, i look like some olden day poet
daniel n me
chel,russell,me n riaz
matthew,me,trevor,chel n riaz
daniel n mechel,russell,me n riaz
matthew,me,trevor,chel n riaz(three,two,one)
ethnic costumes =) 
Mrs Ly-ann and me
unfinished art piece
FINISHED ART PIECE!
ethnic costumes =) sarah is sooo hot n i look fat X)
Mrs Ly-ann and me
unfinished art piece
FINISHED ART PIECE!1st day of CNY
Mini abolone =) yummyyy
Mini abolone =) yummyyyplus its refillable
me n anis in the hotel toilet
me n anis in the hotel toilet me n my grandma at vivo at 11.45pm =) before the movie
once again,every night its tears
2:51 PM
Friday, February 08, 2008
ytd was the 1st day of CNY
it was kinda boring..
had lunch wid relatives(father's side) at duno which hotel resturant..
the food is good =) to me at least..
hmm aft aftering we sat the e table n chatted(refering to the teenagers)
in my father's side..i'm the 2nd youngest n e youngest is just 1 year younger den me..
ok my sister was having fun insulting me -.-
but i just laugh along even though its freaking irritating..
she keeps sayin i've got no emotion because of 1 incident when
she drove me to school n the car skiied..
and my reaction was "wah lao" in a normal voice..ok its sounded kinda low to my sis
its like how do u wan me to reaction?
wave my hands n scream?its kinda..gay.
well at least i dun scream, so i'm not anywhere near being a bimbo
aft tat went to my grandma's hse(mother's side)
i'm not gona collect angbaos from my mothers side cause my grandpa passed away last june..
so i only collected 5angbaos..including my parents, 6angbaos..
sian..i kinda wana use 1/4 of my angbao money to buy vday presents
den save the rest in my piggy bank..
oh wells..i hope next year i do get to collect more =)haha
we went for a midnight movie at vivo..
yea my relatives n my family, including my ah ma..
watch CJ7 its kinda touching show but also humourous..
at least it is to me..cause i keep tearing at the last part, and it seems like i'm e only one..
oh yea i've ot plenty of homework for CNY holiday also -.-
how nice man..its like every subject got at least 2pieces of homework..
how irritating can school get?its HOLIDAYS MAN
not HOMEWORKDAYS..its a day where ppl like us students, get to rest n enjoy ourselves..
untill we reach adult age n starts working where we get off days only on public holidays..
today i'm gona go my uncles hse for lunch...
n i wan more ang baos.. =((
sian, my dad just scolded my sis for coming home late for days..
its like come on, CNY scold scold scold..
but aiya my dad is doing it for her own gd, cause he is afraid she'll mix wid wrong company..
which i hope she wont luh..
oh man cant wait till Os are over..
and i'll score 7points =)
its gona be freedom..at least for awhile..
i can finally be freed n not have e feeling of being tied down..
but the sad thing is..no one can share my happiness wid me =(
i'll graduate alone, cause my friends are all in NA..
if i could go back in the past, i wld stay in NA
and definately will not promote to express just for a guy..
i guess, in my whole entire life, tat was e most stupid thing i've eva done..
but still, whats done is done..i just cant figure out whats my purpose in express?
noone really bothers abt me,
noone really cares abt anything
except gossipping,backstabbing n boots licking..
sigh..i'm damn afriad tat my few more last months in school
will get worse over a stupid matter...and tat i'll end up hating everyone n school
and go back to my evilself where i use to start making ppl's life miserable,
where i make sure they cry and will break their heart till it can no loner be repaired..
which i freaking hell dun wan to..cause it totally sucks behaving tat way..
sigh..
once again,every night its tears
11:18 AM
Saturday, February 02, 2008
i feel super moody now
maybe cause i'm super tired and things have not been right for me
today was a total rush for me..
everything was so rushy and its super frustrating...
had was alright i guess..
only thing somethings(misunderstandings) happened
aiya i duno its irritating..
sigh i feel like i'm losing friends slowly
okay maybe i'm being sensitive or wdv but its really how i feel
noone really understands how i feel
except for myself n God
i feel really broken now i duno why but the feeling sucks.
its like just a month when skl started and i cried duno how many times
how sucky can that be?
cry over friends,family,stress and everything!now i feel like a idiot
what a year sia, all shit stuffs are happening to me on my Olvl year -.-
but anw today i did something out of fun
i tied 2ponytails, i look like a stupid girl but who cares
i did it also because my hair was in a messy to i had to pull it down so i can tie normally w/o hving a exploded fizzy pony tail..so yea
to who ever wana think i'm acting cute or wdv
i dont give a shit about what you think
cause its your mind n ur stupid mouth n my hair
i just cant freaking understand why ppl have to gossip
i mean they gossip the entire day?soo pissts me off
and still can claim you are a christian like come on
you can say i'm not behaving like a christian when you gossip so much n discrimminate ppl
argh ok i'm in super bad mood now..
sigh i just duno what to say or do now
its sooo $^#%&#@&
and i know God is with me
but why cant i feel tat he is wid me n helping me?sighh
once again,every night its tears
12:26 PM
Friday, February 01, 2008
tired!today's skl was half day
suppos eto go out with russell they all but nah..
they watching movie, i dun feel like..
so yea i went to meet wilson den i studied english(werid i know)
den we went hunting for keef's present
and also to get my bday present hehe
was supering tiring travelling from places to places..
ok i realised..red skinny jeans sooo totally doesnt suit me
and the only last time i'm wearing it, is during CNY
cause its like my CNY clothing
what more its bright chilli red, well done ralene in choosing the colour -.-"
sigh i've got to rush my art homework now
and also to re-pack my GB stuffs to make sure everything i need has been packed =)
haha okayyy so yupp take care ppl!
GOD BLESS!
[ i'm gona start studying real hard after CNY! NATIONAL JC WAIT FOR ME! ]
once again,every night its tears
12:07 PM
